Bittersweet Memories
by Chiyo Thyra
Summary: Its a stormy night and our favorite Potions master has nothing better to do than think back to times now past. Especially the only real light he had in his life and where he stands in the battle of good and evil.
1. Shadow

It was raining again.

For the seventh or eighth time this week there was a downpour. I wasn't aware of Britain's monsoon season.

I hate days like these when the rain falls continuously without reprieve. It keeps me inside this dreadful house and unable to escape Lucius' son.

Many believe that the two of us could be peas in a pod, that we would understand each other. The truth is that we couldn't be more different. Oh, I suppose at one time we could have alike in a sense. Bad tempered and ill mannered, yes, I suppose we were once alike.

Now though, now I've grown up. I'm no longer the dark little child.

I'm a dark man.

A dark man created by a dark world. Between my abusive father and fellow classmates I really didn't stand a chance. Because of them I fled to the only place I knew a measure of kindness with.

I became a Death Eater at nineteen, two years after graduating from Hogwarts. For you see, the Dark Lord was one of the few people to show me kindness.

He took me in when no one else wanted me, taught me about life and offered me shelter from harsh realities.

I swore loyalty to the Dark Lord and he held well to his word. For some reason, he took a liking to me and treated me as a pet. The others recognized that I was his favorite and never let a chance go by to harass me about it; especially Bellatrix Lestrange.

She tormented me worst of all and was often reprimanded by the Dark Lord.

Her bitterness has yet to subside.

My only friend, other than the Dark Lord of course, was Igor Karkaroff. Well, he was not exactly a friend but he was the closest thing I had to one.

Life was not always that way though. Not after I met her. The daughter of my so-called enemy.

I had been sent to gather information from his home when I stumbled upon her. She was asleep on the couch in the den, an open book on her stomach and one arm hanging over the side of the cushions.

She looked like an angel as she slumbered, unknowing of her intruder.

I knew I should have done my job and left, but something made me linger. Rolling up the documents I had found I stuffed them into my sleeve and silently entered the den.

There she lay breathing softly and no doubt dreaming something beautiful.

Though in my mind nothing could have compared to her.

Her skin was ivory like a moon beam, a sharp contrast to my pallid complexion, and her dark, auburn hair fell around her in gentle waves that shone healthily. Her lips were full and red as a rose petal and her cheekbones were high and perfectly curved.

I couldn't stop myself from my next actions. Hesitantly I reached out and brushed back a lock of her hair from her face, my fingers lightly touching her cheek.

Still sleeping, her brow furrowed and she shifted on the small chaise lounge. Her movement caused the book to fall to the polished hardwood floor with a loud bang.

I flinched and moved back into the shadows, knowing what was to come.

The woman shot up from her nap and looked around the darkened room uneasily.

"Who's there?" she asked, her voice soft and melodic.

I continued to move back, unaware of the table directly behind me. Tumbling over it I fell to the floor with a loud thud, a vase going with me and causing a reverberating crash.

Her fear had turned to concern. Rising to her feet, she made her way towards me, pulling her night robe tighter around her lithe body.

I shuffled back, trying to stay as far away from her as possible. My way was blocked by an armchair though.

"Are you okay?" her tone reflected the genuine concern she felt. It astounded me.

"Why do you care about a stranger who has broken into your house?"

She laughed lightly, "If you had meant me harm, you would have done it while I slept. Now hold still, that vase cut you."

I only watched in amazement as she ripped off the hem of her robe and wrapped it around the gash on my forearm.

"There you go," she said with a smile. "Right as rain."

There was a few moments of awkward silence before she spoke again. "I'm Viviana, what's your name?"

"S-Severus," I replied before clearing my throat. "Severus Snape."

"Severus, that's a nice name." Viviana rose to her feet and offered me her hand.

I was not sure what to do but took her hand in the end and let her help me to my feet.

"I should be leaving now," I whispered, casting my eyes to the floor. I didn't feel I should look upon a face so beautiful again.

"Will you come back? I would really like to see you again, Severus."

My eyes shifted up and met hers through the stringy curtain of my black hair.

"I-I-I…"

"I'm free tomorrow at lunch, I'll see you here?" Her face was open and innocent, so pristine. I was almost afraid to sully her somehow.

"We'll see," I replied. With that I left to return to the Dark Lord. I gave him the stolen documents and went straight to bed. Not that I slept any, I spent the rest of the night thinking of Viviana.

* * *


	2. Picnic

The next day I slipped away and went to see Viviana again.

She was waiting for me on the porch of the large, brick house, swaying slowly in a white washed bench swing.

The sundress she wore was a pale green that made her hair seem all the more firey. It amazed me that such a beautiful creature was the offspring of _him_.

I walked up behind her silently like the shadow I viewed myself to be. Reaching out I tapped her shoulder lightly.

Viviana turned and looked to me with a smile, "I knew you'd come back."

To my displeasure I could feel my cheeks warm up.

"I have a picnic planned for us. Do you have anyplace particular you like?" She picked up a basket from the floor by her feet and stood up, watching him with a cool cerulean gaze.

I shrugged; there was no place I really liked in this world.

"In that case, follow me."

Viviana stepped off the porch and started across the yard. I followed her, keeping a few steps behind her before she turned and motioned for me to speed up.

Falling into step beside her I finally noticed that she was several inches shorter than myself. She seemed so delicate, like a porcelain doll.

Our trip was a short one, within moments she had led me to an open meadow beyond a line of tall oaks that made the border of her yard.

I watched as she placed the basket on the ground and extracted a checkered blanket. She spread the cloth and set to work setting everything up.

"Why do you not use magic? It would be much faster to do it that way."

Viviana looked to me with a smile, "My mother taught me to not always rely on magic."

My brow furrowed, "Your mother was a Muggle?"

She nodded and took a seat on a corner of the blanket, patting the place beside her.

I took the seat and looked down at everything she had brought. I hadn't seen a meal like this since my days at Hogwarts. "Did you do all this?"

"House elves," she said with a sheepish grin. "They're marvelous people. I would starve without them. Can't cook to save my life."

I gave something of a smile and continued to look at pretty much everything but her.

"So Severus, tell me where you went to school," she took two plates from the basket, handing one to me before putting food on the other.

"Hogwarts, I graduated almost three years ago." I traced the pattern of the plate idly.

"So you're the same age I am."

I looked up to her, my face clearly stating my confusion. "Did you go to Hogwarts?"

She couldn't have gone to my school; I would have remembered so lovely a girl vividly.

"Good gracious no, I went to Beauxbaton's Academy of Magic." Viviana finished filling the plate and handed it to me, taking the empty one and repeating her actions.

The day passed by quickly and was filled with such conversations. By the end of the day she knew more about me than any other person in the world did.

And I was strangely pleased by that.

The sun set and, after helping her clean up, I said good-bye and returned home where I once again lost sleep envisioning her.

* * *


	3. Storm

After a year of outings with Viviana I realized that I had fallen in love with this woman. It terrified me.

What scared me even more was the fact that she returned my affection.

"Viviana, there's something that I need to tell you," I started uneasily during another one of our picnics.

We were seated in the shade beneath one of the tall oaks at the edge of her lawn. She was curled up beside me, using my shoulder as a pillow as she began to nod off in the spring breezes.

"Yes, darling?"

"I-I need to tell you something," I managed to whisper.

Viviana opened her eyes and looked up to me softly. "What is it?"

I braced myself and lifted my left arm from where it lay on her side. Using my free hand I undid the buttons of my cuff and rolled the sleeve up to my elbow.

The Dark Mark was clear as day sitting there on my skin.

Viviana gasped at seeing it and sat up quickly. "You're a Death Eater?"

I nodded shamefacedly and looked away, unable to bear the scorn I knew she would give me.

"Severus," she reached out and grasped my chin, turning my head so I had to look at her. "Severus, I cannot condone anything you have ever done while serving Voldemort. I want you to know that."

Big surprise.

"But, I also want you to know that I love you regardless. You're a good man, Severus. Dark Mark or not, you've proved this to me time and time again." Her hand moved up to cup the side of my face.

Now that was a big surprise. I couldn't see my face to see how much shock I revealed but from the smile Viviana gave me I could tell it was clearly written. "You…still love me?"

"Always."

I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly. Never before had I known joy like what had a hold on me then.

The moment was ruined by a clap of thunder that came from nowhere. Instantly the sky darkened with black storm clouds.

"Come on!" Viviana laughed, wriggling out of my grasp and springing to her feet. She held her hand out to me and smiled that smile which could melt any amount of ice.

I took her hand and with her help rose to my feet. She wasted no time in dragging me out from the protection of the tree and into the sudden downpour.

"Dance with me!"

"But I can't dance…"

Viviana laughed and took my other hand as well, placing it on her waist and putting hers on my shoulder. "That doesn't matter, just move."

I remembered a few years ago being taught to waltz for the Yule Ball at Hogwarts. Easing into slow movements I began the dance that I hadn't performed in many years.

Viviana watched me as we danced. Her hair dark and clinging to her skin; we were both completely drenched by now but it didn't matter. We were having fun.

"And you told me that you couldn't dance," she said with a sly grin.

"You bring out the best in me," I replied. Once again I wrapped my arms around her and lifted her up into the air.

She laughed as I spun her around in the rain. When I stopped and put her back on her feet Viviana stood up on her tiptoes, took my face in her hands and kissed me.

It was soft and sweet and unlike anything I had ever known before. Nothing could compare with it.

I returned her kiss softly, still afraid I was going to do her some sort of harm, and pulled back. "You're shivering, let's go inside."

Viviana nodded and took my hand again to lead me into the house.

* * *


	4. Vow

We hurried up the stairs and into the large house. Viviana released my hand in order to get towels for us to dry off with. 

"No need," I said as I took her hand, pulling her back to me. Taking the wand from my pocket I waved it over both of us and in the blink of an eye we were dry.

"Thank you," she said, shaking her head to smooth out her curls.

"My pleasure."

Smiling, Viviana wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me down so she could rest her forehead against mine.

"Well, well, well. Isn't this charming?"

I jumped at the all too familiar voice and looked up. "My Lord!"

The Dark Lord sat in the armchair I had tripped over on my first visit. His hands were folded across his stomach as he watched me with those eerie eyes of his. In a deliberate manner he rose to his feet, his dark robes billowing out around him, and took a few steps towards us.

Instinctively I placed myself between him and Viviana.

"So this is where you keep running off to," he mused. His gaze traveled around the room, taking in every detail before returning his stare to me. "I'm fairly disappointed in you, Severus."

I swallowed hard, no response finding its way into my mind.

"Leave this place, Voldemort, and leave Severus. You have no control over him any longer."

Much to my horror Viviana moved from behind me to return the Dark Lord's glare. It was the first time I had ever witnessed such a scene. "Please, don't do this Viviana."

The Dark Lord laughed from deep in his stomach. "No control? You do realize who it is to whom you speak, girl?"

"I do, a monster," she hissed.

"You need to learn your place. _Crucio_!" Faster than I could follow the Dark Lord whipped out his wand and pointed it at Viviana.

Her scream still echoes in my mind.

"My Lord, please stop this!" I cried and knelt beside her where she lay convulsing on the ground.

"Come with me, Severus, and I will spare her," he stated placidly.

"Anything, just leave her be." My voice cracked as I begged for her life.

The Dark Lord lowered his wand and held his arm out, motioning for me to come with him.

"Severus, don't give him power over you," Viviana's voice was low and strained. It resembled nothing of her lightly accented, melodious tone.

"I have to or he'll kill you," I whispered. Taking her hand, I kissed her knuckles and then her cheek before scooping her up in my arms.

Viviana started to say something, but I will never know what she was trying to tell me.

"_Avada Kedavra_!"

I flew backwards from the force of the blow, still holding to the auburn haired woman protectively.

Not that it mattered, she was already dead.

I could feel the tears stinging the backs of my eyes as her empty blue ones stared up into nothing. Clutching her to my chest I ground my teeth in an effort to keep from sobbing. I couldn't allow the Dark Lord to see my pain.

"It was for the best, Severus. She had your mind clouded with foolishness." His voice was smooth and almost comforting as he let a hand rest on my shoulder. "She would have hurt you in the end. I am the only one who truly cares for you."

Without a word I shrugged away from his touch and carried Viviana to the couch. Laying her down gently, I closed her eyes and stared down at her, still fighting the waves of sorrow and rage.

She looked the same as she did the first time I saw her.

"Come, I have a job for you to do. Dumbledore is meeting with a prospective Divination professor. She is supposed to be a bit of a loon, but her predictions are never off. I want to know anything she tells him," the Dark Lord said as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me away.

"Yes, my Lord," I muttered.

It was that night that Trelawny made the prediction about the Potter boy and it was that night that I went into Dumbledore's service.

"I want you to know now that I am a former Death Eater," I told him at a later encounter with the old wizard.

He merely nodded his sagely head and held out a bowl of jelly beans. "Bertie Botts?"

I shook my head, slightly perplexed by his nonchalance and sweets addiction. "I would like to become a teacher at Hogwarts."

These were the orders given to me by the Dark Lord and for the first time in many days I didn't mind. This could work to my advantage.

"Potions, that will be what you teach," Dumbledore replied.

"But Professor, I was hoping that-"

"If you dabble too much in the Dark Arts, Severus, they will one day consume you."

I frowned but accepted this. After all, beggars can't be choosers.

"I also want you to know that I want to help destroy the Dark Lord. I've lost something precious to him and I want revenge," I made this statement somewhat bluntly.

Dumbledore looked at me carefully through his half-moon spectacles before speaking again. "As do we all. I know you really loved her, Severus. There's no need for you to hide it from me."

I set my jaw and refused to show any emotion, "So I can assume I have the Potions Professor position?"

"Hm? Oh yes, you start next semester. Welcome back, Professor Snape." He held a wrinkled hand out for me to shake which I did.

That summer Lily Potter gave birth to a boy that she and her husband named Harry. A year later, Lily and James were killed and the boy was an orphan, but he was an orphan who became the hope of the wizarding world. He was the boy who lived.

Eleven years would pass before I personally met Harry Potter. He reminded me so much of James that it nearly made me sick.

Over the years I would vent my anger on him, make the son pay for the sins of the father, and save him from dangers such as werewolves and deranged Defense Against the Dark Arts professors. Hopefully my life debt to James will be repaid before too long.

After carrying out my orders to end Dumbledore's life though, I don't know if I will have the chance.

It pained me to kill the man who has been my mentor for so many years now, but I have full faith in what he has planned.

My only hope is that it works and that it I can finally make good my vow to destroy the Dark Lord as he has destroyed me.

* * *


End file.
